Why I hate blogs
As I was perusing the infinite wisdom of the Internet today, I was reminded of why I have always hated blogs. Consider this passage:
A startlingly large percentage of blogs routinely fall into two useless categories, each teeming with their own unique brand of crap. These are:
"Dear Diary…" Blogs
If every entry in your blog could be preceded with the two word title of this section, then perhaps that’s where it belongs; under lock and key and in a hope chest. The almighty Internet cares not of your whiny pay-attention-to-me faggotry. Perhaps you missed your calling as a Good Charlotte lyricist by mistakingly thinking that anyone gives a shit that the whole world hates you; fact is, the world didn’t hate you nearly as much BEFORE you crapped up the internet with your tales of "pain" and "struggle". Fear not, high school graduation is only months away!
"Not even worth writing in a goddamned diary" Blogs
Or saying out loud. Or thinking in the first place. These are the most physically painful to read, and consist daily of "Wellll… I got up this morning and had breakfast then I went to the store and then I went to work and I really hate my job and also when I got home I called my cousin she is like my best friend and we’re going to watch a movie soon I don’t know what yet but hopefully it’s good! LOL!" LOL! FUCK YOU! If your entry begins or ends with "I don’t have much to say today", then DON’T. Congratulations on being completely boring though.
I’d like to finish this entry with an example that defies all logic and explanation:
http://www.ferdji05.blogspot.com
Why anyone would waste Blogspot's precious bandwidth on this hideous assortment of pretend album covers and tough-guy wankery is anyone's guess. Be careful commenting on Ferdji's blog though, he may shoot you with a sideways gangsta grip! Even worse, he may flip you off while doing so! That’s quite literally adding insult to injury, especially if you take into account the insult to your eyes this retard has perpetrated in the first place.
EDIT: Ferdji has since removed all pictures, perhaps because he was expecting accolades, and instead received only one comment, "Douche", from an anonymous blogger. Luckily, I saved this gem to illustrate my point:
"For now, I dip my toes into the wide sea of the Blogosphere. Chilly feeling, isn't it? The electric tingling of embarking on a new adventure…"Or some such pretentious drivel. Putting your crummy diary online for the disinterested millions to ignore does NOT make you part of any "wide sea". The "Blogosphere" is a load of self-aggrandizing tripe as well; being a child molester doesn’t make you part of the "Pedosphere".
A startlingly large percentage of blogs routinely fall into two useless categories, each teeming with their own unique brand of crap. These are:
"Dear Diary…" Blogs
If every entry in your blog could be preceded with the two word title of this section, then perhaps that’s where it belongs; under lock and key and in a hope chest. The almighty Internet cares not of your whiny pay-attention-to-me faggotry. Perhaps you missed your calling as a Good Charlotte lyricist by mistakingly thinking that anyone gives a shit that the whole world hates you; fact is, the world didn’t hate you nearly as much BEFORE you crapped up the internet with your tales of "pain" and "struggle". Fear not, high school graduation is only months away!
"Not even worth writing in a goddamned diary" Blogs
Or saying out loud. Or thinking in the first place. These are the most physically painful to read, and consist daily of "Wellll… I got up this morning and had breakfast then I went to the store and then I went to work and I really hate my job and also when I got home I called my cousin she is like my best friend and we’re going to watch a movie soon I don’t know what yet but hopefully it’s good! LOL!" LOL! FUCK YOU! If your entry begins or ends with "I don’t have much to say today", then DON’T. Congratulations on being completely boring though.
I’d like to finish this entry with an example that defies all logic and explanation:
http://www.ferdji05.blogspot.com
Why anyone would waste Blogspot's precious bandwidth on this hideous assortment of pretend album covers and tough-guy wankery is anyone's guess. Be careful commenting on Ferdji's blog though, he may shoot you with a sideways gangsta grip! Even worse, he may flip you off while doing so! That’s quite literally adding insult to injury, especially if you take into account the insult to your eyes this retard has perpetrated in the first place.
EDIT: Ferdji has since removed all pictures, perhaps because he was expecting accolades, and instead received only one comment, "Douche", from an anonymous blogger. Luckily, I saved this gem to illustrate my point:
posted by Vyvyan Basterd at 9:12 PM
3 Comments:
Excellent point, I completely forgot about that. Me hating your blog, that is. Good point about news blogs too.
Just kidding. Keep up the misanthropy, you're doing swell!
the browns will so rise again
just pray we get leinhart man!
I must claim responsibility for the single word that defeated Ferdji; seriously though, I felt that understatement was key. I could have left several paragraphs explaining in minute detail just how lame his blog was, but one golden word said it all.
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